A lot of catching up to do...

Where to start, where to start. I can't decide.

Well, first off, the 2468 did not start as planned. Or at all. Yet. My plan is for it to begin tomorrow. But we'll talk more about the outline for that plan later.

I have never felt so weak, useless, and ugly. I have somehow gained four pounds, even though I've been eating less than what I normally do. I know I'm still not doing near as much restricting as I should. But I'm getting there. College will begin soon and I can't help but get a little sad thinking about it. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave home, leave my parents, and leave my friends. I mean, sure, I am totally ready to be out on my own and be able to live my life the way that I want, but it's going to be so different without them. Maybe I won't feel so much pressure to be perfect....No. I doubt that. Most of that inner voice comes from me anyway.

I guess the only thing I really have left now is to plan out my day.

Morning: Wake up. Leave for work. Stop and get bottled water. (If you're going to be drinking water as part of a fast or something, I recommend Smart Water because it has electrolytes and such that will replenish what your body is missing while fasting and restricting.) Get a diet coke. Drink both throughout the morning, during work.

Lunch: Head home from work for an hour. Read/take bath/post/clean/do something to keep my mind off of eating lunch. head back to work. stop and get another diet coke

Snack: After first job, come home and an apple.

Dinner/Nighttime: Either eat another apple or half a can of soup for dinner. Go to second job. Leave second job. Get a diet coke. Munch on ice to curb hunger cravings. Go to sleep. Wake up and do it all over again on Friday.

Sounds like a plan. I just really hope that I can stick to it. One of those diet cokes might become one of those low-cal Vitamin Waters. I really do love those and they're only 10 calories a serving and there's 2.5 servings in a bottle. So 25 calories isn't too bad. I could live with that.

One thing I noticed during my last "episode" was that once I cut out regular sodas and unhealthy snacking was that the pounds really seemed to fall off. I lost ten pounds in under two weeks. It was pretty sweet. Plus I wasn't working two jobs then.

I've decided that every time I get a hunger craving and I can get to this computer, I will get online and post to get rid of the craving. Or I will watch thinspo. I love watching the "Watch Me Shrink" videos on YouTube. They give me some kind of strength.

Anyway, I need to go. Have to be up for work early tomorrow. Goodbye for now!