I am weak.

I know that I'm weak. You don't have to tell me, Ana. I know that I am.

So, the weekend would literally just be so much easier if I had a free weekend and actually began restricting on Monday. 'Cause today, "A" wants to take me out to lunch and then to another movie. Plus I always have a lot of family over on Sunday for dinner so there's no way I can skip that. Especially not since I'm leaving in three weeks. This is going to be difficult. Even if I allow myself to actually eat, I always feel guilty and end up not eating a whole bunch. Now, while that makes Ana feel better, it makes me feel like shit. I had to waste things but sometimes, even if I haven't even eaten half of whats in front of me, I can't finish it.

I am so ready to go off to school and not have to worry about food. The way my classes are set up, I will be able to skip meals without anyone saying anything. I think what I'll mostly eat is yogurt and things like that. Diet soda, water. I'm nervous about college. Very nervous. I know I'm not the only one but honestly I feel like with all this other shit going on, I'd like to just wait a semester or something. But that's not gonna happen. I'd have to explain to my parents. And well, they don't know anything is wrong. I don't need them finding out. I'll be shipped off to Arizona or somewhere to get treatment. Not going to happen. I'm not leaving "A". I'm not.